I had a consult last week with mainlineplasticsurgery.com and have nothing but great things to say about them. The staff and the doctor were amazing. I am in the position of not knowing what to do. I really want to do this. I know that it is looked at as vain and that I am only doing this to feel better about myself. Is that true, well yes, but it is not the entire truth. I also feel that it will help to improve my overall heath. I have skin that just hangs. I have to wear compression pants (workout clothes) almost all the time and not because I like to because I have to in order to feel somewhat normal.
Jeans are ok most of the time, but I still feel the skin in there (I know gross). It isn’t noticeable to other people but it is for me. I don’t wear cute underwear because well I need to wear the ones that hold the skin in place otherwise the jeans won’t fit correctly. All things that are just petty.
Here is the thing, I have worked my ass off, literally to change. I have done everything I could possible do and I am no where near where I need to be but this is what I want. I have a difficult time seeing how far I have come because every time I look in the mirror I see the old me, I see the skin that hangs. I feel that everyone else can see it. I have stopped wanting my husband to love me because I feel to disgusting in my skin. I don’t feel I deserve to be loved or to be happy because well I did this to myself. I let myself go for years. I allowed myself to eat my emotions when I knew there were other options.
I have been so stuck with my life that I just didn’t care and now that I do maybe me looking this way is a form of punishment. Again, no one else can see this it is a personal thing that I know exists. Fitting I guess that I work in the mental health field as those are too often the hidden illness’ that no one sees and no one gets. So, at the end of the day, I want to have this surgery. At the end of the day I can’t afford to have this surgery. It will cause issues in my marriage because it will cause financial issues. Won’t it cause issues though because of the resentment I might hold for not being able to do it. I don’t want to feel this.
I want to work hard again to finish losing the weight but no matter what I do, the skin will not go away. The skin will remain and maybe I need to hold it close because it is the scar I have to remind me that I have done so much and where I never can go back to.