Mind F***

So this was me…

It is from 7/18/14 my girls (twins) bday.

This is me now (taken this afternoon)…

Can you see the difference!!  I sure can.  So that is what almost 40lbs will do.  Here is the thing though, when I look in the mirror or when I think about what I look like, I see the 1st picture not the second.  I still see me at almost 230lbs, I still see the person who was/is so uncomfortable in my own skin.  I don’t know if I will ever see this new person.  Trust me this new person really is a new person.  I run now, yes me I run.  I struggle every day with food choices and with getting my butt to the gym, but clearly I am doing something right.  So why do I still worry that I will eventually fail?

This is partially where the Mind F*** comes into play.  My mind is so f’ed up that no matter what I do or who much I change I still feel like the fat girl in the room, I feel like I will never be able to be different.  Now I know that isn’t true.  Hell I have proven it to myself every time I run another mile and ever race I complete (4 to date).  I want to see this new person, I want to see the better version of me.  I don’t think it is a new version or an old version I just think this person I have become is a better person.

Here is to hoping I continue on this amazing journey and keep going in the direction I was meant to go.  Moving forward now and always.