The hardest thing for me is getting out of my own head. I have been kept down for so long by so many people. Told I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t do certain things and for whatever reason this week I just have that voice in my head. ( don’t worry I am not answering it back) The voice telling to just give up it is easier if you just stop. I get on the treadmill to run and all I hear is why bother you are just going to fail. Go home, just stop now. I have tried and tried to push though and yesterday I did. Today though I just couldn’t do it. I ran a mile (barely) and just stopped. I gave into the voices and I have been kicking myself ever since.
Part of me wants to go to the gym after work and kick out the other 2 miles I am suppose to do for my half marathon training and the other part of me wants to just say screw it I will be ok. The screw it part will win tonight because I need to go home after work and put my daughters to bed. Yesterday though I came home in the afternoon and went and ran those extra 2 miles. I know I am stronger than I have ever been and this is just my minds way of telling me that I need to slow down. Why is that so hard for me??
My trainer keeps telling me I am doing “too much cardio”. I get the concept of why but I hate the concept. I just want to yell at him and make him understand why I am doing this. I need to run, I need to feel like I am accomplishing something. I need to feel like I can do something. That right there is the key I need to feel like I can do this because for so long I have felt that I can’t do anything that I am no one. I have had this little voice in my head telling me I am not good enough. Well you know what “F” then.
I did a 10K this weekend. I sucked it up and got on the treadmill and I did it. I did something that 6 months ago wasn’t possible. I am stronger, I am more fit, I am healthier. I am no longer sitting on the side line watching my life go by I am a part of it!