The hardest thing for me is getting out of my own head.  I have been kept down for so long by so many people.  Told I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t do certain things and for whatever reason this week I just have that voice in my head.  ( don’t worry I am not answering it back) The voice telling to just give up it is easier if you just stop.  I get on the treadmill to run and all I hear is why bother you are just going to fail.  Go home, just stop now.  I have tried and tried to push though and yesterday I did.  Today though I just couldn’t do it.  I ran a mile (barely) and just stopped.  I gave into the voices and I have been kicking myself ever since.

Part of me wants to go to the gym after work and kick out the other 2 miles I am suppose to do for my half marathon training and the other part of me wants to just say screw it I will be ok.  The screw it part will win tonight because I need to go home after work and put my daughters to bed.  Yesterday though I came home in the afternoon and went and ran those extra 2 miles.  I know I am stronger than I have ever been and this is just my minds way of telling me that I need to slow down.  Why is that so hard for me??

My trainer keeps telling me I am doing “too much cardio”. I get the concept of why but I hate the concept.  I just want to yell at him and make him understand why I am doing this.  I need to run, I need to feel like I am accomplishing something.  I need to feel like I can do something.  That right there is the key I need to feel like I can do this because for so long I have felt that I can’t do anything that I am no one.  I have had this little voice in my head telling me I am not good enough.  Well you know what “F” then.

I did a 10K this weekend.  I sucked it up and got on the treadmill and I did it.  I did something that 6 months ago wasn’t possible.  I am stronger, I am more fit, I am healthier.  I am no longer sitting on the side line watching my life go by I am a part of it!