Some days I love the fact that I have little drama in my life because I have very few close friends if any. You see when you an adult and move it is harder to make adult friends. You make friends at jobs and then you leave that job and everyone says “we will stay in touch” but inevitably you never do.
So today is one of those days that I wish I had a best friend. I am struggling today with me. I am lost in my own world and I don’t know why or what to do. I have so many wonderful things around me but I have so much trouble seeing them on a day like today. I wish I had someone to talk to who would understand and not judge. Someone to just listen and not try to fix a problem that has no real answer.
I want to be motivated to run again, I want to run again but I just didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I thought signing up for another half marathon would force me to get back to training to what I fell in love with last year, but I just didn’t want to do it today. Ok, I know it is one day and I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but normally I push through and do it anyway. I did take a yoga class so it isn’t like I sat on my ass all day and did nothing I just didn’t do what was on the schedule.
The schedule…what keeps me focused and going even though I often don’t want to. Today I said F the schedule and now I feel like crap because of it. The one thing I have been good at this past year and a half is keeping to the schedule. Today is just one of those days. Lost and alone, being to hard on everything about myself. How much weight I still have to lose and the why behind that. How I look. You name it and I could find a negative in it today.
I find myself trying to insert myself with females I meet in various settings but realize they already have their friend groups so again feel like an outsider.
I know tomorrow is a new day, blah blah blah. I just feel the funk coming on and I hate it. Today is the day I wish I had a best friend to tell these things to and just have them listen.