Fear has totally taken over my life the last few weeks. I am trying to figure out this marathon training and I am starting to stress over which plan is the right plan and what if I start too soon will I get burnt out, but what if i don’t start soon enough will I have enough time. How am I going to keep losing weight when everyone tells me I am bound to gain weight, how do I keep strength training and kickboxing when I know I will have to be running more. There are so many what if’s in the scenario and so many unknowns.
I am starting to wonder what I have gotten myself into. Why did I think I could run a full marathon? Why did I even want to run a full marathon? How do I pick a plan? What is the best plan? How do I stay injury free? Am I even injury free now (doctor on 4/25)? Is this the biggest mistake of my life?
Yes these are questions I ask myself on a regular basis. My eating has been less than stellar as of late and I could make a million and one excuses but there aren’t any. I know better then to not eat before going to an event when I don’t know what the choices will be so that I don’t end up eating chocolate chip cookies, swedish fish, and peppers for dinner (yes seriously that is what I ate). A year ago I never would have done that, I would not have even put myself in the position to do that. So I live with these choices and hope that I can get myself back on track. I am responsible for my own choices, I am responsible for my food and for making sure that i am the one how makes the healthy choice. I don’t say I am cheating I made a bad choice. This bad choice will come back to haunt me on the scale but I have to let fear stop having complete control over me.
I have lived with fear for so long. Fear of not being liked, fear of failure, fear of not being able to do certain things. FEAR is my biggest enemy and my greatest excuse. I haven’t done so many things because I have been afraid of what might be. Never realizing what could be the outcome on the other side. Yet I still live in the constant state of fear because typically when I make a decision someone will get hurt or be effected adversely and I don’t want that to happen. I worry so much about what others think and feel that I often forget how to just be and that will often manifest itself in the other choices that I then make. I need to figure out how to stop letting my fears getting in the way of my success.