Yesterday was a really bad day. I fell back into some old habits and had a slight binge with my eating. Just when I think I am on the flip side it all comes back. The emotion around it, the why I do do, the guilt after. It all came flooding back. now this was nothing like a binge I would have had in the past and it was short lived and I moved one but I am still not happy with myself. I am struggling with the idea of not running ( I know I know) and also taking a break in general. I discussed with my trainer today taking a week off everything to really start the healing process. He is right I need to give my body the chance it needs to heal and I am not doing that if I am doing all these other activities even if I am not running.
I have a lot of fear though of the what if.  What if I take a week off and then I can’t get back into it?  What if I take a week off and I like it and decide to give up? What if a week doesn’t help?  
But then I am reminded that I can’t live in a world of what if. What if taking a week off helps me to heal? What if taking a week off makes me appreciate what I am doing even more?
Saying those things is one thing, believing them is totally different.  I fear falling into old patterns.  For almost 2 years I don’t know if I have taken a significant break.  A total no working out break.  Even saying that makes me cringe a little.  But I know if I don’t do this I won’t heal.
What is the issue you might ask?  Well officially my IT Band but after PT yesterday he believes also some periformus issues as well.  We are working a little on both and seeing where things go.  I am going to be going 2x a week and we will see where it gets me.  Of course it is all tied together as it is the same side and one couldn’t have played a part in the other and given how stubborn I am and won’t slow down I have not made it better.