As I sit on the sideline now, a sad puppy looking on as other people do the things I love, I am trying to keep my focus. reminding myself that this will help me in the long run and not hurt me. I was at the gym this morning doing a short upper body/ab workout and then 4 miles on the bike while I watched my trainer train someone else. They were doing a lot of the exercises I love doing and miss doing. Now I know it is only for 2 weeks and I know there are plenty of people who can’t work out at all and I should be grateful and I am. It doesn’t mean though that I don’t feel pangs of jealousy as I watch someone else doing what I want to be doing.
I tell people all the time in my practice that sometimes we have to focus on the smaller pieces of the puzzle before we can see the entire thing together. I am trying very hard to remind myself of this in my own life. I need to put the edges together to make the puzzle work. The edges are my nutrition, PT and focus on how to get stronger without running my body down. There is a sense of anger in myself though at times. Anger that I didn’t go to see this doctor sooner. Anger that I wasn’t more forceful in March when I went to go see a doctor and didn’t really agree with what he said. I think I was ready to hear what might be really wrong anyway.
So the healing continues, not just of my body but of my mind as well. Trying to remind myself that I can’t have regrets. Regrets only make the day longer and we forget to look forward when we keep looking back.