“Failing at a workout means you succeeded because you gave it your all” (Trainer Brian @crunchnorthbrunswick.com ) Interesting concept considering my entire existence as of late has been based around the fear of success. You see I don’t mind failure because I am so used to it. I have tried and failed at getting healthy more times than I can count. So in reality I am not afraid of failure it is the success that scares me.
As a kid, my dad was pretty hard on us. It was always if you got an A- it should have been an A, you made varsity well great but why aren’t you starting. I grew up trying to always please other people instead of focusing on the person who mattered most. Today’s training didn’t just show me how to improve my upper body strength it showed me that even failure can be success.
I have succeeded in these past 2 years because I still get up every day (almost) at 4:30am and go to the gym or kickboxing. I have made this a true lifestyle change. It actually pains me that I can’t do as much as I want to do. Getting injured wasn’t a failure, the not taking care of it wasn’t good, but the injury itself wasn’t and isn’t a failure. I trained and completed 4 half marathon’s last year that isn’t failure because I didn’t finish in the time I wanted. I succeeded because I got out there and tried something new.
In all of my failures I have somehow succeeded because I am where I am at today because of them. So in my fear of success I have been successful all along. I have chosen to do the things I do, live the life I live and have the business that I do. All of those came out of fear and then success. I chose to get healthy out of fear of leaving my daughter’s without a mother. Of dying young like my brother did. I choose to run and work out because it makes me happy to do something for me. To accomplish new things, to lift a new set of weights to do more pushups then I could before (pullups is an entire different story). I choose to go into private practice so that I could be home with girls in the mornings and have the flexibility to be there when they need me at school and camp events. All of my choices in life have led me to where I am today.
So why then do I see my self as always failing. Simple, I am the most critical of myself and my choices. I often see myself as a failure of a mother because my daughter acts out or doesn’t listen, I see myself as a failure of a wife because J isn’t always happy. I am a failure as a business owner because my practice is not busier, I fail as a woman because I am not the perfect size or have the perfect hair etc. You name it and i will probably tell you I am not good at it.
I guide people all the time to be easier on themselves, to love themselves, find the good in what they do. You think I would be able to do the same thing. I am trying harder lately and hearing that today just made me stop and think. “Failure is success”. You can’t fail if you didn’t try and personally I would rather try than to sit back and let the world keep happening around me. I did that for 30 something years and it didn’t really get me that far. The past two years have been rewarding in so many ways and have some amazing people and friends along the way.
FAILURE IS SUCCESS